What do I tell him?

From our “ask away” forum:

My best guy friend is currently in a relationship. He is almost 16 and she is 13. She has told him she wants to lose her virginity to him and he is confused on what to do. They have only been dating about three weeks. He wasn’t raised in a Christian home, and he’s asking what to do. I’m trying to tell him that sex is a HUGE deal, but he just isn’t getting it. I have been searching the web for things to share with him but I keep coming up empty. Can you please help me? It would mean so much! I just don’t want to see him hurt, he is so tenderhearted.

Thank you so much for writing! Wow! I can see why you would be worried for your friend. He’s in a tough spot! And for a young girl to want to give up her virginity at 13 years old (and after dating for only a few weeks), that’s tough. Since your friend hasn’t been raised in a Christian home, it’s tough to talk to him about it from that perspective. You could tell him that God has a best for them both, that He loves them both and that sex has some consequences that could hurt them in the long run – but if he doesn’t know Jesus, he might not hear that (although bringing it up at least gives you the chance to tell him about the love of Jesus – and that’s always a good thing).

There’s no easy answer, really

I have a couple of thoughts, but you know him best – so pick which one he might respond to…

The hero: He could be the hero in this girl’s life. Most guys (who don’t know God or who haven’t been raised to think differently) would jump at the chance to have sex with a willing girl. But this girl has some other issues going on – she might be looking for love, she may have been abused, she might not understand how big a deal sex is… so he can choose to be the hero and NOT be like other guys. He could tell her that he wants to protect her heart and her future – so he is not going to have sex with her. Imagine how that could shape her life!

The protector: He could go at it from the angle of protecting himself and this girl physically. There is really no full proof way to avoid pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases. What happens if she gets pregnant? Does he really want to provide for a baby at 16? Does she really want the risk of an STD at 13?

There’s no going back: For both he and this girl, there’s no going back once the choice is made. Sure, it probably feels good that this girl “wants” him, but once this happens, he can’t go back and change it. Neither can she. It’s a HUGE decision with lots of potential fall out – ask him to really think those things through.

However you decide to approach it, I will be praying for wisdom for you as his friend!

If you had a friend in this situation, what would you say? Leave a comment below or if you received this via e-mail, click here and then on the title of the post to leave a comment.

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  1. Wow… this is a tough and heart breaking situation. Young people especially simply don’t get how HUGE sex is, how life changing and complicated it is. Here is what I’d tell this young couple and anyone else wondering why waiting matters. https://bethsteury.wordpress.com/2014/10/16/why-wait-its-all-about-the-bonding/

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